We found the Grand Canyon. We jumped right into it, and here we are, floating, paddling, surfing--gosh, I don't know, pick your verb--the Colorado River.
The babies arrived July 29, 2013 on my Dad's 61st birthday. "The Baby Thomas" (as Ellie calls him) played by all the rules and was delivered easily. He came out screaming and very little. The Baby Olivia was a little more stubborn, arriving 12 minutes later, feet first. I have a feeling this will be typical of her.
Steve and I kept telling each other (even in the delivery room) there would be so much we couldn't prepare for. So much we didn't know we didn't know. As we are learning these "didn't knows," we enter week 3 with some knowledge and tools to live a life of five children, spanning 15-newborn. So, our list of Didn't Knows that now we know:
1. Delivering in an OR is like entering heaven. Or at least what I think it would be like. Very bright. Very white. And lots of people up in your grill. Way up in your grill. Very personal and intimate. And crazy bright.
2. Two babies it not "pretty much like one," as many people told me. Nope. There are two. All of the time. They are not the same person or the same mouth or the same bottom or the same soul. They eat and poop and scream and chatter all on their own. Not like one. More like, you know, two.
3. You can double nurse while dressing your toddler for school.
4. You can sleep through the season premiere of Duck Dynasty.
5. Going to Target alone feels as exciting and thrilling as the day you turned 16. Or 21.
6. You think you'll know your babies by their cries. You don't. They sound the same.
7. When your mom leaves, you think you'll curl up and fail (I already knew this part.). But you don't. You grow another set of arms somehow and still manage to breathe and eat (sometimes) and shower (rarely, but it does happen).
8. You grow more in love with your husband. Not just as a daddy. As a man, a provider, a partner and a person who now knows what you look like when you need help going to the bathroom because you're 36 weeks with twins, hooked up to an IV pole, using the handicap bar for assistance and can't see to properly keep up with hygienic requirements. You love him for loving you and for telling you that "though you're really acting ridiculous right now, I can't believe I got to marry you." (That was a compliment in case you missed it.)
9. You seriously consider taking a walk with the babies in the middle of the night. Why not? They settle well in the stroller and you're so tired you'd tie them up by their toes if someone told you it would help.
10. People are really nice. A lady brought us dinner one night--I had never seen her before. Just a friend of a friend who "heard about that poor woman with five kids!" No joke. She said that. She brought dinner, a gallon sized bag of trail mix and cupcakes for the kids. I introduced myself as she walked in my front door. No way. So nice. And that's just the tip of the iceberg. I didn't know people would be so generous and sweet and go out of their way to help--in the parking lot, at bedtime, during school pick up hours, for Mass. Anything.
11. I am so happy we live here. It has truly been a community effort, and I am grateful.
12. You'll continue craving foods. I actually crave more now than I did when I was pregnant. Sweets. That's it. And that's not like me. Toffee--made a batch a week ago. Brownies, cookies, chocolate bars. Whatever. I think about it a lot. Almost as much as coffee.
13. My go-to baby songs seem to King of Anything (a throwback to what was popular when I had Ellie. I sang that song all the time to her because it was on the radio every day, every 3 minutes) and When the Saints Go Marching In. Why? I have no idea. Catchy tempo? But it came back to me with a vengeance as soon as I started swaying and rocking and singing to the babies. There it was. Saints and Kings. Not bad, I guess.
Each time we'd go to the doctor, I'd cry with happiness and relief. Both babies were still there. Both still had heartbeats and both looked so good. Why had God graced us so generously?! And would He really let me keep both of them? I remind myself of these answered prayers while I try to manage both babies in the middle of the night, with a sleeping husband and a dark house. I remember how much I wanted just one, so the juggling (literally) of the two babies on the sofa while watching Say Yes to the Dress at 3 am seems comical, really. I can't believe I was given what I begged for--"Please, let me be pregnant just one more time. If that is all I can have, let me experience this miracle just once more." Ha. He sure pulled a fast one over on me!
More than anything, I've learned that "whatever it is, it doesn't really matter." I find myself saying this almost as a mantra. I pray a lot, I talk to Mary a lot, but in addition to that, I hear myself saying these little seven words. And it's true. Whatever it is (that's bothering me, that's wrong, that isn't working, that won't work, that I thought would be awesome and is crashing and burning--eg, experience at park yesterday that didn't last as long as the car ride to get there), it doesn't matter. What matters is what I hold in my arms--my family, my children, my husband, my faith. That's it.
In a few months, remind me I said that.
Pray for us, oh Holy Mother of God. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ!
