If I really could speak to the Cosmos, I'd have a long conversation with It. If I were an op-ed writer, this column would be dense. But I am not. Still, I have something to say.
Please, for the love of God and all that is good and holy in this world, stop stealing our children's childhoods. Stop taking from them what makes them beautiful and innocent and darling and, well, children. Will we have to redefine this word, like we have so many others, because in a few years, it literally won't mean what it did a decade ago?
I found my sweet boy, on the eve of his 15th birthday, using his new Ipod nano to download videos of pornography. He was using the only computer in the house without parental controls, and sneaking to do it at 10:30 at night. I found him only because I'd come in for a glass of water.
He started crying. He was shaking. He was embarrassed, humiliated and stunned. He lied about what was happening until I forced him to come away from the screen. It was dark in the kitchen, except for the hideous glow from the computer.
Words cannot describe my reaction, my emotion or his. This is not the first time we've found him looking for or listening to pornography. This topic is most dear to me because I feel it is the most precious gift given to us by God. If I mess this up with my kids, I've failed. End of story. This insidious "education" of women, sex, love, intimacy, dignity, self-worth, reality, truth and expectations is creating a generation of men. The next generation of men who will marry or not, rule our country or not, be kind or not, know God or not.
And, we're a good family. We are attentive parents, with a lot of controls in our house and our devices. Our oldest is the only one with a phone (that is not a smart phone and that is now located in my pajama drawer for all eternity). He turns it in at night and has limits on its uses during the weekends. My boys don't play video games involving guns, they have allotted times on the computers, and cannot download songs with the F-word or the stamp of "Explicit." We say prayers. We believe in God. We go to Mass. We talk about morals and values and women and love and try very hard to set a good, no a great, example of marital harmony. We love our kids, we give them books for Christmas, we play Yahtzee, and once in a while, when they ask for something like an Ipod nano, we like to give it to them.
Why must it be so hard? Why must this fifteen year old boy be tempted like this? Why must he see these things? And I know--there are traits like self-discipline and self-control. And I expect him to develop them. But should he have to have them tested against a pervasive, overwhelming reality such as this, and at an age when he simply cannot handle the temptation? He says many boys he knows (he wouldn't say everyone) have these videos and more on their phones. He says it's everywhere at school. All the time.
And I'm a woman walking around my home with a son who has seen things and knows things that I haven't! He has been warped and damaged and scared and thrilled, I suppose, at images and scenes I dare not imagine. These are not magazine still-lifes of naked women posing atop silken sofas. These are videos of the highest moral twistedness. And they aren't hidden under your friend's bed or your cousin's house that you get to see once a month or even once a week. They are downloaded and viewed as much you like, in the quiet of your own room. I never even thought to have him "turn in" his Ipod at night.
What lengths must we go to, in allowing our children to be in the world but also safe from it? Am I to walk in fear and eliminate everything with a plug but the toaster oven? I don't think that is the way God teaches us to live. But then, how can I give my children devices that could be the tools to end their childhood? What decent parent would do that?
Listen to me, Mr. Cosmos. I will not give up this fight. This is really important. I will not raise my children to believe that this behavior is good or acceptable or normal. I will raise them to love women, to treat them with dignity and gentleness and kindness and honor. I will teach them what love means and what dedication is and what it means to protect those people you cherish above all else. I will teach them by example, for I love and adore Nick and will not allow him to lose this one.
Our children are faced with things in the hallways of schools we never had to encounter, let alone refuse. I am scared for Nick, I am angry and hurt and disgusted at his choice; however, he is my child and Steve and I will do everything and then some that we know to do to protect and help him. I just wanted you to know, Cosmos, that I'm pleading with you to give all our kids a break. They need it.
That is all.
