Suffering

No one likes to suffer. We don't even like paper cuts, for heaven's sake. They hurt, and we would rather not be inflicted by them. We don't like to struggle, we don't like to hurt, we don't like to be confused. And I don't think these "preferences" are bad; I think they are human. After all, even Christ, as fully human, did not want to suffer! (Matthew 26:38-39)

So, I'm suffering. I'll just admit it. The reasons are private and even too intimate for me to feel like typing (odd, yes?!), but suffice it to say that we would like the prayers of heaven and the planets and all the stars. We would like to have something that might not end up being our gift, and, as an American, as a woman, as a human being!, I don't like being told "no, that's not possible for you." What? Sorry, but don't you know, Mr. God, that come hell or high water, I eventually get what I want? Or, I just change my mind and then that "becomes" what I want? Steve and I are suffering, and we just don't want to. It hurts and it is difficult, and I know in this cross we will find joy and some kind of peace, but I don't want to go through the cross to find the happiness. I'd rather it be given to me easily.

I heard in a talk the other day we should be like little children, with our hands open, patiently waiting for the gifts God will give us. We should stand, with our faces towards God and heaven, being grateful for what is freely given and not grasping at things or people or stuff or hopes or, I guess, anything (Phil 2:6). We are to gladly accept what is given to us by our Father and not reach for those cookies in the cabinet (even if they are Girl Scout ones). If we can be like this, we can live our lives in complete and constant thanksgiving for the gifts we receive, rather than being bitter or resentful or feeling like life is unfair for the gifts we DON'T receive!

Jesus and all the saints and the stars in the heavens, help me to suffer with courage and peace of mind and stillness, and help me receive your undeserved graces gladly!