Fever Breaks

I wrote to a priest friend of mine the other day, needing some help and guidance and counseling. You know when you just need an impartial ear, someone who is faith filled and kind and also wise and sturdy? I wrote to him in a frenzy of emotions, my voice crackling hot with anger and confusion and hurt.

And then a few days later, when his response came, welcoming a time to meet and talk and pray, I felt foolish! "Oh, man. That was dumb. I've worked it out (not really) and gotten over the adrenaline rush (again, not exactly). I can do this on my own, and now, because of my big, helpless mouth, someone knows I was crumbling. Great."

It had all passed and I was no longer hot (just warm) with confusion and emotion. And I felt like the morning sunshine and fresh air had eased my temporary state of madness. It reminded me of babies and their fevers. They are so hot--even to the touch!--and sometime in the night, with a little deep breathing and cool air, their fever breaks. In the morning, they are happy, maybe a little frayed at the edges, but over the maddening and detrimental fever. It is (almost) like it never was. You see some reminders--the damp jammies, the tired eyes, the parched mouth, but, your baby is cool again and so, so much better.

If I could keep in mind that the fever will break, the pulsating red river of anxiety and anger will subside and its tide will pull back out--I'd be calmer. Ha! No kidding, Katie. We are beautifully and wonderfully made, yes! I know! But, heavens. I could do without the roller coaster beating of my heart.