I Didn't Know

In this Christmas season, there is much to be grateful for. And sad about. And worried and hopeful and disillusioned and contemplative. One of our friends lost his job a few days ago. A friend of Steve's knows the man in IL who was killed (along with his three children) by his wife last week, one day after school. I busy myself filling up the space under the tree, making sure I'm lighting the right candle on the Advent wreath and hosting a Bunco party with give-aways and spiked punch.

My favorite song this season is "Mary, Did you Know?" I heart "Santa Baby" (especially when my mom sings it), and all the renditions of "Baby, It's Cold Outside" make me smile (what a lovely time when a woman asked for a comb!). But, the reminder of what all this fuss is about is captured painfully in this song and video:

Mary, Did you Know?

And I didn't know. I didn't know He was her son, her baby, until I had Ellie. I had celebrated her life and honored her role in the story of the Universe, but I had not known that He was Ellie to her, He was a part of her. Did He look like His mommy? Did He have the same nose as His grandfather or the same mannerisms as His uncle? Did Mary look at Him and see her family, like we all do when we look at our children? Did He laugh like her? Were His hands her hands? I did not realize she looked at Him and loved Him and guarded and protected and encouraged and knew Him like we know our children. "When you kissed your little baby, you kissed the face of God." Don't we all, though? Don't we all hold our children and our confidence that no one loves like we do? That no one is capable of loving their children as much and as "good" as we love ours? How can they?

And that no matter how lost and distracted we get, that Precious Baby loves us more. I did not know in this great love, I did not know it existed or could be held inside one fallible and finite heart. May we stay in the presence of our Savior during this time of heightened commercialism and remember His poverty and humility. May we celebrate the loves of our lives rather than the things. May we kiss our children more and know the peace He brings.